I'm sorry I haven't been on much. I've got a lot going on lately it seems. Due in part to work and my parents' impending separation...Let's not go there though shall we? Anyway if you need me email me. I check it every other day.
chibasakura121@gmail.com
Navy pier at xmas you can go at 3am
There will be no one
The ferris wheel still turns
As though it's a popular attraction still
And when the songs slowly play
Throw the old broken PA
A new heart for xmas
She needs a new xmas
"Cos you broke it all apart
Put it back together again"
Strange holiday maniquins still move
As though someone was watching besides me
Their joints are rusty
They chirp like inside
There's something alive
Oh no, somehow it strikes me
I need a new heart for xmas
Cos you broke it all apart
Put it back together again
You hit me oh so hard
Put me back together again
busy busy busy...the more busy i am the easier it is to deal with things...
I know I keep to myself too much. I don't let many people get close to me. It's easier that way...the fewer people I let get close to me the fewer that can hurt me. I have all these feelings inside me and they're driving me crazy. Sadness, confusion, longing, anger, love, loneliness, restlessness, and so much more. It's difficult to sort it all out. Here lately I've been angrier than usual. Perhaps not...maybe I'm just showing it more. I don't know. ugh...it's so frustrating! ugh! Meanwhile while all this is going on inside me I paste a smile on my face and hope no one notices. Most times it works. There is the occasion where someone can see right through me and I don't know what to do other than hide.
Someone asked me what i see in one of my friends...when i tried to explain that person said they'd rather just dislike this friend of mine than understand him... That statement surprised me, especially because of who was saying it. I thought better of that person. Is it horrible of me that the first word that popped into my head was ignorent? Someone would rather dislike someone than understand them after going through all the trouble to ask about it. Maybe that person expected some shallow reply from me or a simple i don't know. Saying I don't know would have been a whole lot easier because it's really hard to explain. Perhaps i wasn't explaining it well? I don't know I just thought that was a little sad.
